


Could This Be My Redemption?

by RigbysLesbianMun



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Burns, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Hatred, Sexual Violence, Threats of Violence, Violence, What Was I Thinking?, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2891468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RigbysLesbianMun/pseuds/RigbysLesbianMun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Perhaps even if no one knew the exact reasons behind him leaving, it'd be enough just to have moments like this to see Misaki unharmed and free. Saruhiko didn't mind being caged, relished the redhead's anger like an inside joke because honestly, he'd much rather rage than pity thrown his way."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Could This Be My Redemption?

'You're too weak to belong here,' a voice hissed right near his ear, spittle catching on tensed skin. 'You're so far out of your element; you've never been a true HOMRA and everyone knows it.'

Pain pricked at his wrists upon dangerously narrowing his eyes at his attacker, them now wide at the burning sensation of red flames seeping through his jacket sleeves. A gasp escaped his lips, body taunt with a slight edge of fear though he controlled his own flames to stay down; them surging throughout his body quickly with the will to protect himself.

'Ah, good boy.. No flames, keep a lid on your power and suffer mine. You're remembering the consequences, I presume?'

That sickly pleased voice grated on his eardrums, but the previous threat was too high a price to risk. Even when he could smell his own flesh burning, even when he bit through his bottom lip and could only taste copper, the metallic blood staining his chin, he refused to fight back.

'Heh, maybe Misaki wasn't completely wrong about you, hm, Saru-chan? You do have quite a bit of control, when it involves him anyways.'

How he wanted to spit, coat the man's face with crimson salvia and laugh about just how incorrect his words rung. And yet he could not. To do so would risk his best friend's sanity, would kill the Misaki he loved; he'd be hollow if this man was to get ahold of him. Saruhiko was as defenseless as a newborn in this kind of situation, but he was glad to be in it if it meant Misaki would be safe.

'I really hate that look on your face. It's disgusting and you wear it all the time towards Mikoto-sama.. I should just burn it off.'

Saruhiko was about to smart off at that when the man above him moved, fluidly burning through his jacket and shirt in one swift movement, and twisting them up to lock the younger's arms together. The fabric stung where it was roughly pressed against Saruhiko's newly burnt wrists, but he quickly lost that train of thought. Carelessly turned around, the raven's face was shoved so hard into the damp earth that his glasses bent in strain and dirt smeared along his cheek.

'I'm going to destroy you, Saru-chan.. And after I'm done I never want to see you here again, understand? You're going to leave HOMRA and never come back; you'll find a way to get rid of that tattoo, find a way to erase anything Mikoto-sama has given you. He's better than you, ya know? Everyone here thinks that, Misaki can easily live without you as long as Mikoto is there.. But you already know that, don't you? You're really fucking pathetic.'

That venomous voice dripped and sizzled like acid with every word. Of course he'd always known Misaki would leave him eventually, he was a difficult person to handle and only got a worse personality as the years went on. The only reason Misaki had stayed with him for so long was obviously because the redhead pitied him, Saruhiko never had friends, had always tricked Misaki to act out with him in the orphanage. He was the reason they spent years in that hellhole and neither were ever adopted.. He made Misaki guilty, forced him to stay because of selfish reasons. He depended on the other to live, to continue breathing. Without Misaki he was nothing.. How would he be able to stand and fight without his best and only friend? Would there even be a reason left to live anymore without the redhead's bright smile and constant bickering?

He supposed it didn't matter to think like that anymore though.

Gasping, Saruhiko struggled as evasive hands found his belt, fear prickling goosebumps over his body. Wait, this wasn't what he agreed to. His red aura seeped out slightly, wishing to protect himself though it was quickly extinguished by hotter and more experienced hands burning handprints onto his narrow hips. The sound that escaped him was inhuman, a strangled scream that was silenced by a rough hand forcing his face harder into the ground. He could taste it, smell it while writhing underneath a much heavier body.

'Shut up. You deserve this, so just shut up and take it, Fushimi.'

Tears made mud across his face, glasses cracked against the solid terrain while silent screams rubbed his throat raw. There was so much pain, too much blood that caked along his battered body, it was almost unbearable. Broken bones were nothing compared to this and it seemed to stretch on forever..

The thrusting never ceased, it was erratic and meant to cause only pain, not an ounce of pleasure was received. Fingertips burnt symbols into his back, nails scarring his porcelain flesh with sadist intentions. Through the haze of being turn apart, the last thing Saruhiko heard was laughter from behind before everything began to fade into a bleak, pitch black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's been an entire year since that day.

Tomorrow would be the anniversary of his betrayal to Misaki, tomorrow would mark three hundred and sixtyfive days that he's dealt with HOMRA not as a clansman but as an outsider, a blue.

He's gotten stronger since then, though nightmares still steal his breath away at times. The burns etched permanently within his skin are hidden behind layers of clothes, they itch from how many times he reopened up. Every one of them serve as a daily reminder that he doesn't belong. The burn marks on his chest though, those are the ones that remind Saruhiko that he's alone because he choose to be. He holds no regrets anymore.

Suffering through what he did made him realize something quite important. He loved Misaki wholeheartedly; he'd go through any kind of pain if it meant ensuring the other's happiness. That's why he stood on a rooftop across the street and stared down at the Red's bar, watching a highly familiar redhead show a new member how to skate in front of said bar.

Adjusting his glasses, an ache shot through his chest, fingers unconsciously digging into the old scars he'd inflicted upon himself. 'I deserve this,' Saruhiko would mutter, repeating it like a mantra at times to himself. Perhaps inflicting pain over old wounds and never letting them completely heal wasn't the sanest thing to do, but really, whoever said Fushmi Saruhiko was truly sane?

Ever since that night he was taken and scarred to the point where no amount of magic could heal his damaged skin, he has known there would no longer be a path where Misaki and himself would end up together again. He left because Misaki was threatened.. Saruhiko was raped and forced to leave in order to save Misaki from the same fate, to give him protection.

That is why no has no regrets, although he really wishes for the voices to stay quiet. Tomorrow would also be the anniversary of when reality clashed with the dreamworld, their lines blurring on many occasions if he drifts for longer than a few moments.

He knows it's not normal, he understands quite well how broken and twisted he's become since then. Rarely no emotion is felt besides a constant anger bubbling under the surface, self-hatred bristling so intense he runs fevers often. Except at times like this, where he watches from afar and doesn't have to build up an indifferent mask. Watching Misaki laugh and grin.. This was the only time he felt slightly content, where he had done something correct for a change.

Perhaps even if no one knew the exact reasons behind him leaving, it'd be enough just to have moments like this to see Misaki unharmed and free. Saruhiko didn't mind being caged, relished the redhead's anger like an inside joke because honestly, he'd much rather rage than pity thrown his way.


End file.
